Tuesday, November 29, 2011

A guy at work today told me I need to speak up more. I sit there like a lump, not saying a thing. I'm quiet to begin with (until I get to know ya), but this new job I'm in - I DO NOT SPEAKY THE LANGUAGE AT ALL. Servers and gadgets and apps and virtualized....thingies and seo and classes and objects and methods and parameters and blah blah blah. And it's not just the techy jargon. It's the power talk...We're gonna change the culture of this whole company maaan......and then there's the politicking and the psychoanalysisizing and the social anthropolologizing and all of it and then some. And then there's the simple fact that some people seem to wait for me to start speaking so that they can instantly talk right over me. Whatever. Let em. Let em shoot their mouths off. I don't want to be a rock star. I don't want to be a spoken word truth bomb dropper. Well maybe. Nah, not really. I don't know. I just want the paycheck, man.

It's weird to have somebody deliver such a deeply personal piece of advice like that -- at work. If I didn't love the guy, I'd have been offended. I still was a bit. But I'm generally down...lately...a bit. I got lost in the activities on Thanksgiving and got some peace from the mentals, but the whole creepin holiday season is vibin my face off. And this job is kicking my ass down the street. And the divorce crap too. And the post marriage rebound girl too.

I don't know. I don't want them to think I'm some kind of brain dead mute moron disabled dummy. Lots of work to do on ALL fronts getting myself right. Or: just focus and speak the good thoughts when they come. So many times, the following has happened: I thought of something relevant to the conversation but didn't speak up: Then, somebody else said it, and everybody was like yeah yeah right yeah true uh huh good point...


  1. I wouldn't worry too much, just do what you do and be who you are... um... maaaan.

    As someone who talks to much, I know that it's more valuable to have someone who says what needs to be said when it needs to be said than someone who talks all the time.

    There's a tendency for people to think the quiet person is a little crazy or evil... which reminds me of another one of your posts. Just sayin'.

    Good luck.