Sunday, October 30, 2011

It's amazing how many people in Chat Roulette will 'interact' with a teddy bear seated on cushion.

This 'project' demonstrates a few things. One thing it certainly demonstrates is how bored and alone and dorky I am...and how unfit for human interaction. I thought about having the bear sitting there, and then when people connect through Chat Roulette, and they see the bear sitting there, and they laugh a little while at the goofy and innocent nature of it -- THEN I would spring into the camera's view wearing nothing but...but...I didn't do that.

Yep. Only a bored and lonely person would do this.

Another demonstration of my lonesomeness came yesterday. I was sitting here on the internet and there was a harsh knock at the door. I looked through the peep hole, and it was The Man. An officer of the court was here to serve divorce papers. I had been expecting it at some point, I guess, but it was still pretty jarring. Time to move on for real, I guess.

It's hard to build a life. It's sad, but she was my one and only real, lasting friend for a lot of years...until it started falling apart. She was my life, I followed her up and down the east coast, leaving friends and opportunities behind - to be with her. Now I have to build a new life. I've had a bunch of false starts already...different scenes...different activities...activities and scenes that I thought would be cool...and that I thought would help me meet people. It's not easy for me to make and keep friends.

At least work is going pretty good. Maybe I'll just hang with work people nine to five and whenever...

A couple of hardcore loners I know tell me that I have to just get used to being alone sometimes.


  1. This is a very honest post man. We look for that life long bond, but some of us don't have it or aren't ready for it for a long time. And when I mean ready for it, I mean willing to sacrifice for it.

    But there's also the thing of never finding that one. It doesn't mean that you can't enjoy the company of the people around you for the time. You have friends. You know other people in similar situations. It doesn't make it any less sucky per se, but it does make it a little better knowing there are lots of other people out there. If this were my blog, I'd make a song reference and a joke (probably Eleanor Rigby) and then close out without a conclusion.

  2. Yeah, the bear is touching.

    The hurt lingers. It does. But, maybe, if you can cling to something worthwhile, the hurt fades.

    I know meaningless words from someone you don't know.